no one is bulletproof

just because i'm losing doesn't mean i'm lost

god i love lyrics.
i'm having such a fat lazy day and damn it feels good !
holidays holidays holidayyyyyyyyyys !
for today (maybe today only) but i am chosing to ignore the fact that i have a rather large essay due the day i go back to uni and no actually, i havent finished it! thanks for asking hahaaaa....
so ... word of the day...

inadequate.

what an effing stupid word, and what a hurtful concept.
feeling inadequate, no matter how truthful or necessary the feeling is, is bad bad bad.
i think that maybe this is part of the reason i am studying to be a social worker.
last night i felt inadequate, and as inadequacy ususally is... it was unnecessary !
atleast i have the capacity to understand that while it is how i feel, it is not how i am.
sadly some can't see this difference and man alive, i know it hurts.
the younger, thinner, happier (atleast they seem it) girls.
why do we even want to be like that?
i know i don't... yet at the same time, i feel ... less than them.
less. what the hell.
what a stupid feeling.
i have a loving boyfriend, loving friends, loving family..
i am constantly complimented, i know im a decent enough person...
yet i still dout. doubt doubt doubt.

but what is it that we doubt? surely not our worth?
our beauty maybe? how materialistic.
our inner selves? we must learn to trust ourselves.
our ability? ability in what?

i know for me, i doubt my ability to be liked.
and trust me i know people like me, but i always have that sick (stupid, unnecessary feeling) like someone is always liked better than me.
how stupid is that. this is not a competition.. this is life.

never the less, as stupid as i know it is.... it still leaves a hurt.
and i hate the idea that many people feel this hurt unnecessarily.
it really sucks



-thoughful-girl